Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Why The Next Generation Isn’t Being Taught About Childbirth


Can you smell it?

I sure couldn’t

when I showed up

last Friday

for a keynote speech

in front of

reproductive rights and women studies professors.

In fact, I swore they’d

ALL

be with me on this.

That women’s bodies ROCK

and by extension that their bodies ROCK

when they give birth.

This was a conference on

Mothering & Reproductive Rights

for BOLDness sake.

I started off getting the profs to stand up and chant

MY BODY ROCKS.

Just like Amanda in my play, I tell them.

Then I shared

that actually most women giving birth

do not think their bodies rock.

Amanda doubted it too.

But then she remembered the

strong female role models before her

and deep in her soul she knew

MY BODY ROCKS

MY BODY ROCKS.

What if we planted seeds like this

in every college student?

Young women believing their body rock when they give birth

and young men growing up

to stare into their wives’ eyes and believe

her body rocks,

that she had an innate power to give birth,

birth isn’t an illness,

an emergency,

a joke.

WHAT IF…

I wondered with the profs for 30 minutes.

And when it was over this is what they said:

Why didn’t you write a play on high-risk women

Because it’s SO common.

Well, I said

Actually there are high-risk pregnancies

but in our culture many low risk pregnancies

are deemed high risk  for

RIDICULOUS

reasons.

You’re 35 years old?

High risk.

You’re baby is big?

High risk.

Come ON,

I told them.

WAKE UP.

But then I could see this professor

This woman

MOTHER

Was shaking from her soul.

I wondered.

Another professor spoke up

telling me while she appreciated the

MY BODY ROCKS

message

she didn’t appreciate misleading young women.

Most pregnancies are not My Body Rocks pregnancies,

she stated

With her feet firmly

gripping the hotel carpet.

In fact,

she went on,

When I gave birth I walked in low risk

and suddenly became high risk.

In fact,

her heart now

bleeding ruby red,

I was treated horribly,

I had to process that birth,

write about it in my journal

FOR TWO YEARS.

And

in fact,

my next birth was no better.

You’re right,

I said.

This is EXACTLY what is happening in birth today

which is why the

MY BODY ROCKS

message

must be heard.

This prof

This woman

MOTHER

was now shaking.

That’s when I got it.

One reason

so many professors of women’s issues

do not teach their students

the MY BODY ROCKS message

is

that

they’ve got

Birth Baggage.

Two words.

How can a professor be expected to

teach about childbirth today,

the facts that

YES

low risk women

are walking into hospitals and

alarmingly

becoming high risk,

and also

teach

the possibility,

the ecstasy

of birth

if they are so

loaded down with their

birth baggage?

How do we heal

a culture injured from their births

so they can help grow

a new culture

filled with

TRUST in birth?

Flying out of Toronto,

a rigamortis growl

captured my mind.


I made a prayer.



May all women today  

get the support

to

walk through their birth baggage.

Once birth baggage is

released

MY BODY ROCKS

births

are

possible.

We need the

next generation

to lead this shift,

but it’s up to

our generation

to plant the seeds

for the shift to happen.

You

IN?

156 comments:

Lisa Cartier said...

Absolutely i'm in! It is amazing and alarming that this is still the norm. I am doing my best to change this mindset.

Kim Wilson said...

It's the reason I tend to avoid baby showers... I am tired of being constantly told that I am the crazy one for not using drugs during labor and for having my babies at home. "Don't listen to Kim...she's CRAZY!" Then I point out that all of them who have used drugs are the ones who have one or two kids and hated their births. I'm over here with four and all my home birth friends have MORE than me...because we aren't afraid of birth and we love it! The glaringly obvious is sometimes the hardest to see! It makes my heart happy to see this new generation of doulas that are coming up who are so YOUNG and who want to empower young women! Obviously...this is one of my favorite topics! LOL

lis said...

rSo true! My mom and mother in law both were low risk, walked into the hospital and became high risk ... Over 25 years later they both have birth baggage STILL, so much that I didn't want them a part if my own birth experience 17 months ago. This is huge! I hate seeing women think they are high risk just because of age or "big baby". I find a lack of belief in oneself, a lack of belief in that their body ROCKS can CREATE many risks in pregnancy. How to change this message and help heal? Help others believe their bodies rock ... Teens, young women, mothers ... have midwives and doctors advocating for doulas .. Birth story circles are coming to mind, but a clear focus on healing & finding strength instead of extending the fear message

Rebecca Blech said...

Absolutely, I'm IN! With Syntonic Birth I specialise in harnessing mindset, the mindset of everyone involved at birth, everyone influencing women about birth. It is arguable that to prepare expectant couples in isolation for a 'syntonic'/'my body rocks' kind of a birth could be setting them up for disappointment, at the very least, a battle. We need a paradigm shift in the mindset of birth professionals and educators too, everyone feeding into the WHOLE picture. Only then can we see a seachange in expectations and birth experiences. There is much healing that needs to be done for the seeds of our message to fall on fertile ground. I believe raising awareness gently, fostering understanding of undisturbed birth, the factors that support & undermine it, with a huge dose of compassion for each person's 'truth' is the first step to healing & re-framing perceptions. And yes, birth story circles are needed, I think.

Dr. Nancy, Your BIrth Coach said...

I find it amazing how women have been completely sold this message that birth doesn't work without the need to be rescued by the man in the white coat. Women are being assaulted in birth and don't even recognize it. We see the assaulter as the hero but they are the ones who created the problem in the first place. It goes to show how ingrained these messages are in our society when those who are supposed to be teaching the message that women are powerful and have the right to birth themselves have not seen the truth about their own births. We have a lot of work to do, but we can do it.

stubber said...

As a perfectly healthy 24-year-old woman with a perfectly healthy full-term pregnancy I walked into a hospital, full of excitement and anticipation. I shuffled out of there a week later as a recovering surgical patient with a perfectly healthy baby to take care of, shell-shocked and told to feel nothing but grateful.
"High Risk Births" are caused by meddling with birth because of fear of birth which is comes from High Risk Births.

Gretchen Farrell said...

Wow! What a wakeup call. I just keep telling myself, plant the seeds, plant the seeds, nurture the growth. give them empowerment tools because you need to be a warrior to create the space to remember your body rocks! The paradigm is changing though, I see it..

Barbara Harper said...

Birth baggage comes from our original paradigm - our own births!! I have been helping women & professionals see this correlation by focusing birth on the baby's experience - for the last 30 years. Using waterbirth as the medium for the message. I'm ready to go the distance, Katen. To tackle the culture of birth inside hospitals. No one is in a better position to do this work in that setting. I'm in hospitals every day working with nurses and shifting their thinking. Where else have you heard of doctors crying in sessions and nurses exclaiming, "I've never been so excited about supporting women in birth!!" Let's ROCK their reality, Karen!!

Deanna said...

I am In-er than IN! One of the tenet's of HypnoBirthing is that we are ALL of us hypnotized by our culture to fear birth.

We need to be dehypnotized before we can relearn that birth can be powerful, gentle, loving, and fabulous.

I teach this in my business every day.

Elizabeth Mangum-Sarach said...

I am so IN! Let's help women all over this country process their own births; so, they can let go of the pain and find the strength in their experience to then empower women to take ownership of their own experiences and carry on in a positive and strong way. Isn't that why we become parents...to watch our children grow and make better choices for themselves or make choices for themselves that we truly support? Generations of women/mothers can continue to offer these opportunities to younger (or women over 35 too who are having babies), birthing women and encourage them to BELIEVE their bodies rock just like their own bodies rocked when they gave birth. What's the saying... if a tree falls in a forest can we hear it? Or something like that. Just because her doctor/nurse/family member/whomever didn't believe that her body rocked - and EVEN IF SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER - it did! Her body did rock ... it just wasn't given a chance to shine. Let's help today's birthing woman truly shine in their own glow of their bodies rocking! Amen! Thanks, Karen, for taking this stand and standing with the rest of us as we spread this message across the country/world! Elizabeth Mangum-Sarach

Anonymous said...

aloha Bold body rocks moms, am sad & glad to read about how how 'hi risk birth' is pushed on pregnant & laboring mothers in hospitals from believing in Mds promoting hi tech birth abuse that denies natural delivery. My birth was horrible orphaned in WW2 hospital & still working at healing birth trauma & neglect in 1940s-70s. I do Rebirthing breathwork & Chikido playoga for 20 years, & love hearing birth stories, esp natural ones are inspiring. 'My Body Rocks' feeling & releasing old numb birth trauma & learning how women have natural birthing instincts, so amazing at home trusting their bodies, partners, midwives & children there. The women's birth story circles can grow in any social group, even in schools where health & sex ed classes are open to honest sharing birth experiences. Am inspired by the 'Bold birth' movement so essential for growing mothers confidence in getting more healthy & 'Bold bodies' deeply needing primal awareness of wonders & spirit in natural home-birthing & hospitals with rare Mds supporting natural delivery that inspires family with love for miracles of birth & bonding in primal love.

Crysta Parkinson said...

Oh this is so beautiful Karen, it brought tears to my eyes and thoughts to my soul. We can change this. As mothers, we can teach our daughters and sons that their bodies rock, and help them to see what they are capable of. We can teach them not to succumb to a system that will tell them they are a risk or that they are broken. We can share stories - many, many, many stories - of birth and help them to understand what it truly is and can be. As doulas and birth workers, we can support women in their journeys and help them to know that they are strong. Not just by telling them, but by helping them to prove it to themselves. Holding the hand of a woman while she makes the transition to motherhood in a beautiful way SHE controlled is the most amazing gift -- for both of us. For all of us. Then we must take that story and add it to the list of stories we are telling, and help to prove that yes, their bodies DO rock. They CAN do this. They were MADE to do this.

Thank you for all you do.

mandi hardy hillman said...

Amen.

Abby M said...

As someone who has birth baggage...I'm still recovering from back injuries 8 months later..I'm wondering where do women like me go for support? I think post partum care in this country really needs to be developed...not just following up on how the mom is physically doing, but emotionally etc. and not just six weeks after birth but throughout the first year. I would have loved to talk through my birthing experience but didn't know where to turn, and the help I did find I couldnt afford.

Anonymous said...

So many women still have birth baggage. I had a really 'easy' labor with the help of two doulas for my 1st child -due to when my daughter chose to arrive and where my primary doula was. I went to Mommy & Me classes afterwards and learned that I was the only one in my class who had an 'easy' labor and didn't have a c-section. We had one session where we shared our birth stories and all the new moms seemed traumatized or recovering from the births. I can't emphasize enough how much of a difference a doula (or two) makes for birth.

Kryn said...

Karen, You are amazing!! I heard from multiple profs and women over the next 2 days who are inspired to be bold in the classroom with birth discussions. Thanks for sharing from your heart with compassion, as always! We still have so much work to do when the most intellectual and academic of us have a hard time walking through our own birth baggage in order to hear others' stories and to challenge the status quo. You always inspire me.

Carol said...

Your post reveals a truth about birth culture in the U.S. and resounds with my experience. I am a labor/delivery nurse that was trained in the medical model of birth. The birth of my first child included many interventions and was a traumatic experience. I felt that my instincts and intuition was ignored.

As I questioned my experience I studied to become a Lamaze instructor--it was helpful. The real eye-opening answers came when I chose ta assist with homebirth. I was still working for a hospital when I attended homebirth but my colleagues warned me not to talk about my weekends with homebirth.

Additional healing came when I was able to assist my daughter with her births-- for one labor she transferred to the hospital and had a normal birth. the next baby was born at home.

If more women could see homebirth they might grasp the concept. I am glad that your play was about the ability of women to give birth physiologically.

Keep up the good work!

Monica Marusceac said...

Everytime I read your blog I feel reassured that I'm doing the right thing, changing careers and focusing on bettering birth in this country for all women. Thank you for what you write and how you communicate this very important message!

Kelly said...

I think the idea of "your body rocks" is something I want to believe in, and want others to believe in... Yes, if we believed in the ability of our body to be made to birth.. how would that affect our births... often for the better! HOWEVER.... the slogan "your body rocks" also can come across as offensive to those who feel like their body didn't rock... or they didn't even get a chance to see if their body could rock because some other issue came into play (fetal distress, etc)... Addressing the idea of teaching "your body rocks" as part of childbirth preparation... using that alone as the mantra can plant seeds of birth trauma if things don't "rock". We're setting ourselves up for the possibility of an expectation to not be met. Nor do I think we should assume the worst, that birth is an emergency waiting to happen --- but maybe we need learn to navigate and find comfort in this middle ground, the grey area of in-between... YES your body CAN rock! And yes, sometimes no matter what you do or don't do... sometimes it might not. It's the tricky part of learning what you can control and what you can't... and having to accept that we might not ever be able to pinpoint the specific things we did or thought that caused a certain outcome in our births... The tricky balance of learning to (deciding whether to) be involved and active, or go with the flow... I could be wrong, but my guess is that it's got to be a combination of both. If we teach women the wide range of normal, and the wide range of options they have to deal with those situations... without promising a certain mode of delivery... we may still be able to promise an empowering birth.

Love the whole point about BIRTH BAGGAGE - we *need* to create ways to support families so they can move through this!

Love you Karen and your great work- this is a great discussion!

Karen Brody said...

I've SO loved reading all your comments. Whoa! There's ALOT of energy around this topic. I can feel the BOLDness oozing from all of you!

Keep on being BOLD.

Love, Karen

Dawn K. Gibson, LCSW said...

BRILLIANT!!
I worked as a perinatal social worker in a major hospital and had three lovely home births (2 in water).

Women are definitely not told that their bodies rock. Where I worked,it was so disheartening and angering to hear labor and delivery nurses and doctors speak so disparagingly about the women who wanted to birth naturally in the hospital. On top of that, they would walk in offering drugs every chance they could.

I am a psychotherapist and assist women in dumping their "birth baggage" (love that term!) through body-centered work. I am so happy to be part of a movement that allows women to see that their bodies rock!

Thank you for putting your voice into the world and for the amazing message you are sending to women around the world!

Anonymous said...

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